This guide is for people who :
have difficulties with vaginal penetration (so can’t get a penis inside)
have a penis but can’t ejaculate during PIV sex
want to use a known donor but doesn’t wish to use a fertility clinic
anyone else who wants or needs it!
Step one- Get prepared
Screen for STIs and be aware of window periods for infection. Find a local NHS sexual health clinic or screen online for free.
Be aware of your legal rights if using a known donor. This will vary depending on your marital /civil partner status at the time of conception and is important. Check out the information on Stonewall’s website as well as their great guide ‘Pregnant pause’. The latter is designed for lesbians but some of the legal issues and thinking points may translate. If you want further legal support, have a look at Natalie Gamble Law who specialise in legal issues around assisted conception and alternative families.
Learn about how to track your fertile days, using an ovulation kit or just by tracking and observing your vaginal mucus which becomes like egg white around ovulation. Check out the guide from Dr Anita Mitra (AKA The Gynae Geek-) about fertile days. You may wish to try once, or a few times in your fertile window. This is up to you.
Start taking folic acid ahead of trying, to prevent neural tube defects– 400 micrograms (5mg if you have diabetes, your BMI is more than 30, or you have a family or personal history of spina bifida.
See your GP if you have long-standing health conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure, epilepsy and/or you take medications to ensure that you’re in good health before embarking on a pregnancy journey (and that any medications are suitable to use in pregnancy).
Step 2- On the day
Set the scene as you would like it to be. Getting pregnant this way doesn’t mean it has to be clinical, in fact this is an advantage you have over a clinic, so use it!
Make the event feel as special as you want it to be with how you get ready, what you do beforehand, lighting, or a meaningful playlist If you’d like the conception to be connected in your mind with sex, then have whatever type of sex you enjoy and see/remember it as baby making sex!
This could be solo sex, sex with your same sex partner, or sex with the penis owner, depending on your set up.
Step 3 – Sperm delivery
In your fertile window, have the penis owner masturbate into a sterile pot somewhere nearby (another room is good if they are a known donor rather than a partner). If they are your sexual partner, you may decide to do that part together in the same room, its up to you.
If they are a known donor, ideally you won’t want them to have to deliver the sperm across rush hour traffic, as sperm doesn’t live outside the body well for too long. If they are in another room, they could knock on your door when they are done, and leave the pot outside your door for you to collect.
Step 4- Doing it
You, or your partner, could interrupt your solo or partnered sex session (if you are having one) to collect the sample and use a 10ml or 5ml oral syringe (about the size of a little finger) to draw up the semen from the pot. You can buy oral syringes online, and you’ll find lots of cheap kits containing everything you need for artificial insemination around £20.
The average amount of sperm is 2-4ml, so a 5ml should be fine, even if the person has been avoiding masturbation for a few days (to allow their sperm quality to be higher).
Draw the semen up by pushing the plunger all the way down, putting the tip in the sperm then drawing it all up slowly.
As the syringe is about the size of a little finger, if you have difficulties with penetration such as vaginismus, you can prepare for this by practising penetration with a little finger- but don’t worry, even if you can only get the tip in, the sperm can still find its way. You can also get extra slim oral syringes, which are about as wide as a drinking straw. For more information on how to deal with painful penetration check out our support group.
You may want to use a fertility friendly lube (without spermicide) to make the syringe feel less ‘poky’ as it goes in.
You, or your partner should slowly insert the syringe as far as you can, without pushing the plunger, and without letting go of it. You can still have sex whilst this is all happening, for example, your partner can stimulate your clit with their hand, while they slowly slide the syringe in.
Step 5- The moment of truth
Push the plunger when you feel ready, until the plunger won’t go any further and all the sperm is released. You may want to mark this moment with a deep passionate kiss, or you may want to synchronise this with your orgasm.
Some people speculate that orgasms help conception by ‘sucking up’ the sperm from the vagina. There’s no concrete evidence of this (partly as it’s hard to research!) but why not include an orgasm if it may help?!
Top tip for this– you or your partner should get you to the brink of orgasm before bringing the sperm in, so that you aren’t worried about how long its taking, and the sperm being outside of the body too long.
Although orgasms, being sexual, or a deep and passionate kiss can make getting pregnant this way feel natural and special, REMEMBER, it’s still natural and special without these things!
Also, it’s not easy to orgasm under pressure, so don’t give yourself a hard time if it doesn’t happen- both sex and the process of conception can be enjoyable without it.
It’s about doing it your way, whatever that is.
Step 6- Aftercare
Afterwards, you may want to put your legs or hips up for a while to stop the semen coming out and to let nature do its work. Again- no evidence, but why not! Its normal to feel some trickling out after this- don’t worry this doesn’t mean it hasn’t worked!
Enjoy this moment! You may remember it your whole life. Play some music, talk, have a delicious drink or snack. Take a pregnancy test more than two weeks later. Don’t feel disheartened if it’s negative, it can take several months for most people.
84% of people will get pregnant within 12 months, but if your periods are irregular or you are over 35 go to your GP if you haven’t got anywhere in six months.
